Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
