He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
