I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
