i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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