it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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