The beer is more important than you right now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
