If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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