it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
