He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
