Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She announced her abortion via fbk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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