Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
