all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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