It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
