I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize