she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
