She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
