I'm really into asian looking animals
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
