Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
