i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
