he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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