Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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