Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
