Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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