When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
