Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
