no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
