Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
