god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
