RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
