Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
