Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
