This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
