I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
