I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
