How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
