I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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