So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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