You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
