i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
