I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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