kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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