Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
