Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Vodka?
Forever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
