i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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