Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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