i was born a porn star she said
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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