I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
