You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
