Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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