Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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