you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
