last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
