he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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