I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
