Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize