Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
