if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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