So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
