Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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