please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
