doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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