Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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