I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize