just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
