i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize