she was so not down for the gang bang
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
