and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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